I'm just trying to come to terms with not being able to do it or wanting or being inspired to be in my gallery and cafe anymore. What I'm doing now is being. I don't care what people think of me. I'm just being who I am.
Monday, October 14, 2013
I haven't blogged for ages!
The beauty of going slow and having to do it is you can do what you like. As in I'm blogging my life but I blog when I feel like it. Period. It's not everything but it's some parts of my life when I'm inspired to blog. I think that's very important as nothing is forced. I've got something worthwhile to share with others then.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Meaning
People now days are looking to live a life of meaning.
I know I do.
I know deep within me what is important to me and what I need to do.
This is how I'm going to live my life from now on...truly following my heart. Being a free spirit and letting nothing hold me back. Why I've let fear hold me back before is crazy.! Life is way too short to live in fear. That's why people procrastinate, because they're fearful of what others think or might say about them.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Art for arts sake
Life imitates art or art imitates life? I think it's both. They are like two circles one inside the other or like an orb of energy that twists and turns quickly that is one.
Art represents what's going on in people's heads. Also what god is doing in people's lives to send messages to others and to capture time in history.
Aboriginal art inspires me
The way those aboriginal people paint in outback Australia really inspires me. They're living off the land with the land and flowing with the earth/universe. That's how I want to be. Get back to basics. No pretenses. No airs and graces. I want to paint with them. Lie down and let it flow. The brushstrokes flowing onto the canvas. God putting it all there if I just trust.
Overcoming fear
Fear. What is fear? Up until recently I dint know that it was fear that had been holding me back! If been living my life in fear......
Now I know what it is I can tackle it head on, look it straight in the eyes and say "you're not going to beat me"!
I cannot afford to be fearful, life is too short.
Jack Elstone
Thismorning I went for a ride on my bike because I love to get out on nature and exercising. I've stopped at the cemetery to visit Jacks grave. Jack and I were together briefly in 2010. A whirlwind relationship of intensity you can't really describe..... One night Jack left my place at midnight and died almost 2 hours late at his place. He was 42. He had contracted Q fever back when he was a roo shooter and it caused endocarditis in his heart. His heart had had massive heart attacks lots of times and in the end failed. Being with Jack and he with I was a pull from the universe/god. It was undeniable and unmistakable that we are soul mates. He knew things I didn't and gave me an insight I didn't have. I'm sure this was thru god to us. It was gods way of working in me. Very powerful. 
What is life all about? Happiness
Lastnight we watched a show about happiness and the things that are most important for people to be happy are friends and family around them, community and support and a feeling if belonging.....thinking back over the last few years I've missed a lot of that and I feel alienated. Separate from others. Maybe I don't know how to connect properly I ask myself? Maybe I'm afraid? Maybe I've got a phobia? No I think I just have to do it.
I'm starting this term with going back to yoga, doing tai Kwon do with my children and scaling the cafe right back to almost nothing so I can become involved with my children's education and create artworks and just flow.
I also want to socialize once a week with friends. After all connection with others is the most important to ones happiness.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
What has this world come to?
Yesterday there was a market day and country music festival celebrations in the main st of Wentworth. This is the view out the door of my gallery and cafe where we serve organic fair trade jasper coffee and drinks, food and sell artworks. There were 4 venues in the main st serving coffee etc and the organizers of this market let this mobile coffee van in!!!! And what's more they were drinking his coffee!!!!
Clove Cafe Mildura
This is my favorite shop in Mildura. A little tiny shop that serves fair trade organic coffee and teas. Produce that is fresh and everything from deodorant to dried fruit and nuts and seeds. The staff are friendly and down to earth. Thank you Clove.
Phones and things make you stressed, anxious and depressed
I've found that Facebook and having a phone that you can do so many things on can be addictive and distracting.
It is something that you have to be very self disciplined with or it will rule your life. Since my ten year old daughter has had her iPod, I have to ask her to stop using it and give it to me. It's addictive there's no two ways about it. You know what the best things in life truly are?......spending time with family and friends in nature with no technology. We are living in a fast paced world in bodies that have been designed to live like cave men and how Australian Aborigines used to before white settlement. It's no wonder that people are so stressed. For over 12 months I was in fight or flight mode out of fear. My health deteriorated where I couldn't function in every day life...I'm still learning to slow down now and live the slow life.
Some people just don't understand
It's funny you know.....there's a man who seems to go into my shop when I'm not there or when it's closed coincidentally a lot. Then when I see him he says, "every time I go into your gallery you're never there. Where were you"? Or "why were you closed today"?
I tried to explain to him that I have three children and own a business. I also explained that two of my children were on school holidays and home with me and that my partner was out working to help a friend plant vines that day. My children are more important to me than opening the doors to make money so I made that choice. I'd say that's following my heart and doing what's best by me, my kids and God.
Lastnight I just realized I've been living in fear
Fear of what others think, fear of losing, fear of change, fear of looking beautiful, fear of being great, the greatest I can be. But why? I'm out for my morning walk and run using my 5k run app where you get trained to run 5k in 8 weeks. I've got to get over this barrier of fear and do this till the end.
Friday, September 27, 2013
River
I love the river. This is the Murray river downstream from the junction of the two rivers in Wentworth. This is Jacks spot where Jack and I went and chilled one night.....Clare saw him there again after he died. This summer we are going to go boating. I cannot wait to ski and wakeboard..hmmm it will be so good 
Hugh at Australian Hearing
Hugh has had trouble hearing. Here he is getting his hearing tested again.
Loving Wearing work shirts
I have to say it, there is something that makes me feel good when I wear a work shirt! Today I'm wearing a royal blue Bullrush shirt that I've had for a few years....I love how it makes me feel....doesn't show up any undulations, is nice and colorful, classy and motivates me to work.
I've got a hot pink Bullrush work shirt and a beige RM Williams one. You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Hay fever central
Hay fever and eczema. Anyone else suffer? I feel like I've been run over by a truck!
Monday, September 23, 2013
Is life about the money you earn or what you do?
I ask you all, if you didn't have to have money what would you do?
While everyone else has been relaxing and on holidays
Over the past 4 years all I see are people on holidays...coming into the shop. Man it makes me feel yuk!
Headless chook
For years I've been rushing around like a headless chook after customers and everybody else.......rushing, stressed and just leaving myself and my family in the background! Well I am not doing that anymore. My kids and my health are way too important to me. Last year after I had Theo I got really really stressed as we took on the lease of 42 darling st and renovated it for two months while we moved, ran the other shop and I had a small baby and was breadtfeeding!!!! I thought I was crazy and guess what I went a bit crazy. I flew off the handle at two of my older crass chauvinistic customers for talking bad to me. Just the stress was too much to bear. I'm still not over that very very low point in my life. It went on for about twelve months. I was in fight or flight mode all day every day. My adrenal glands were overworked with producing cortisol all the time and I went downhill......
I couldn't see people when I talked to them. I wasn't itchy anymore and I could drink caffeine! All because u had no immune system because my adrenals had shut down. I was a mess. One day I was sobbing on our bed for hours. Just sobbing sobbing sobbing.. Right at the deepest depths of despair. The lowest of the low. I saw a specialist physician and had cat scans done and numerous tests and he said I had the start of lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. An autoimmune disorder. Mine was caused by stress where my pituitary gland fails because of prolonged stress. The same thing happened to me at the end of year 12. I had been so stressed out that my pituitary gland stopped producing anti diuretic hormone and I was peeing non stop and drinking non stop. It was bedlam. Now I take minirin. A nasal spray synthetic hormone that enables my body to absorb fluid instead of letting it pass straight through and I dehydrate. It's been 21 years now that I've taken that spray. I can be very thankful for it because it has prolonged my life. Enabled me to have children and relationships and live more of my life. Without it I would have died.
My stress levels increase so quickly now at times when other people might wonder why. But it's like I'm hypersensitive to stressful situations now. I just have to walk into the shop and up goes my stress barometer. I just need to chill out. I've pushed myself so hard over the years. Placed so much pressure on myself to be perfect and do well at all I do.....I am a perfectionist but where has it got me? Just ill health and hyper sensitive. I just feel like sitting in the sun and chilling out and meditating. I NEED this time to heal.
I just want to paint
I just want to paint....red wine monochrome and put my big silvery flash frame around it. Just do what I think about and what means something to me. I cannot wait. I've been thinking about it for way too long. This is it.
Kids seem to know what to do and say when other people are around to stir parents up
Why do they do things to really piss their parents off when they know that they can't go if tap at them....rrrrr it grinds my gears.
Coffee baristas Jade and Steve-who makes the best coffee??
Well over the last few weeks there have been 2 people out of all the customers we serve who have said that they would prefer Steve to make their coffees......now of course this made me wonder why and what was it about the way we bother made coffee that changed the flavor?? After all I taught him how to make coffee.....hmmmm I of course was a bit jaded and wanted to work out why.
We did an experiment where Steve made a double shot flat white and so did I in latte glasses and hit a taste tester to see if there was a difference (thanks Blayne)! He and us thought that there was very little difference between the two coffees with Steve's maybe being a wee bit stronger than mine. Really there was no real difference to squeak of. So what was it then??
Then I worked it out. When I pour the mill over the coffee I did it slowly and the crema rose up with the milk and sat on top, not blending in. Those people who wanted Steve to make their coffees wanted the crema blended in.
Then the other day a customer returned their coffee saying it tasted awful. Steve had made it. I made them a fresh one and voila she said it was beautiful....so the coffee snobbery continues!!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Hugh has big back molar tooth removed
OMy 6 year old son Hugh had his tooth removed Friday evening. He chewed his lip eating fish on Friday night at my brothers place and now has a big swollen ulcerated lip...I took him back to the dentist today to get it checked out. It's ok thank goodness. The poor little darling. I'm loving having my kids home for the holidays....I just don't want to be in the shop, it's a drag for me now. I feel like it's holding me down and holding me back.. I want to be freeeeeee!
Open minded and free to paint and explore and just flow.
Oh I just bought some "Seven Wonders" Moroccan Argan oil skin serum. It's probably the best thing I've ever got for my skin. I suffer from dry skin and eczema and this oil has madey skin feel amazing!! I recommend it.
People might say its laziness by I say slow is good
I read about Steiner school and alternative schools today. I think it would be good for my children to go to a school like that. I believe that the education system is crap in Australia.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Sunday blogging
Gotta make some changes
It's time for change..I'm in a rut and need to climb out of it..it shouldn't take much. I've just got to move and eat better and cut the grog. Hmmmm and maybe get a high paying job to meet the demands I want of myself like cool clothes and holidays. I applied for a job as a biodiversity officer today. $100,000 a year I hope I get it.
Just chilling put the back with my family
Saturday, January 12, 2013
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