Headless chook

For years I've been rushing around like a headless chook after customers and everybody else.......rushing, stressed and just leaving myself and my family in the background! Well I am not doing that anymore. My kids and my health are way too important to me. Last year after I had Theo I got really really stressed as we took on the lease of 42 darling st and renovated it for two months while we moved, ran the other shop and I had a small baby and was breadtfeeding!!!! I thought I was crazy and guess what I went a bit crazy. I flew off the handle at two of my older crass chauvinistic customers for talking bad to me. Just the stress was too much to bear. I'm still not over that very very low point in my life. It went on for about twelve months. I was in fight or flight mode all day every day. My adrenal glands were overworked with producing cortisol all the time and I went downhill......

I couldn't see people when I talked to them. I wasn't itchy anymore and I could drink caffeine! All because u had no immune system because my adrenals had shut down. I was a mess. One day I was sobbing on our bed for hours. Just sobbing sobbing sobbing.. Right at the deepest depths of despair. The lowest of the low. I saw a specialist physician and had cat scans done and numerous tests and he said I had the start of lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. An autoimmune disorder. Mine was caused by stress where my pituitary gland fails because of prolonged stress. The same thing happened to me at the end of year 12. I had been so stressed out that my pituitary gland stopped producing anti diuretic hormone and I was peeing non stop and drinking non stop. It was bedlam. Now I take minirin. A nasal spray synthetic hormone that enables my body to absorb fluid instead of letting it pass straight through and I dehydrate. It's been 21 years now that I've taken that spray. I can be very thankful for it because it has prolonged my life. Enabled me to have children and relationships and live more of my life. Without it I would have died.

My stress levels increase so quickly now at times when other people might wonder why. But it's like I'm hypersensitive to stressful situations now. I just have to walk into the shop and up goes my stress barometer. I just need to chill out. I've pushed myself so hard over the years. Placed so much pressure on myself to be perfect and do well at all I do.....I am a perfectionist but where has it got me? Just ill health and hyper sensitive. I just feel like sitting in the sun and chilling out and meditating. I NEED this time to heal.